Hey guys,
I feel like I haven’t really wrote a real personal post in a while, and thought it was time to do so. Something has really been bothering me lately. I am sure you all know about how Cory Monteith passed away a month ago. I am not sure why this hit me so hard. I am not one to get emotional about someone I do not know personally nor would I act as if I knew someone as soon as they pass away. Maybe it is the fact that I have watched Glee since it started and Finn Hudson and Rachel Berry was always the couple I was rooting for. Or maybe it’s the fact that Lea Michele was completely surprised one night in LA by a disturbing phone call telling her that the love of her life has passed away.
I think that’s it. Why would he do this out of the blue when had planned to move in with Lea as soon as he got home from Vancouver? They had full intentions of eventually marrying one another in a couple years and then BAM…her world is flipped upside down. Lea has been by his side during his struggles with addiction, and thought he was recovering. Regardless of what killed him that doesn't take away from what a wonderful person he was. He had amazing talent and loved what he did every day. What makes me upset, and is something that will eventually make her upset is that in return he selfishly left her to deal with a horrific phone call she will never forget and funeral plans. She will now have an empty hole in her heart. I think why this whole situation has made me upset is the “didn’t see it coming” factor. I understand that he was struggling with his addiction for quite sometime, but he also had the family of Glee and the love from Lea and family who were always there for him. The fact that, that wasn’t enough, proves that no matter how much we think we know someone they also keep certain things to themselves. I don't think a lot of us realize the struggles people have behind whom they portray themselves to be on a daily basis. That's why you should hold the door for someone or smile at a complete stranger. You never know if in that moment you changed their perspective on life. Lea never saw this coming because things between them were raw and beautiful. It’s not like she didn’t know about the problem. I can imagine he told her everything and anything that would go through his mind.
I guess it just hurts my heart because when my brother passed away there was the same “didn’t see it coming” factor. It was on a rainy Thursday night and then there was that random horrifying call that my brother “is hurt really bad, I think he is dead.” My dad always is dramatic about day-to-day things. Hearing the “worst” possible scenarios about a situation was somewhat of the norm coming from his mouth. I remember my mom and I getting that phone call on the way back home from CVS. We quickly picked my dad up because he knew where it happened. My heart was racing, but I quickly stayed optimistic. Plenty of people have accidents that happen and get injured but eventually heal from…of course that is what happened with my brother…
My dad was repeating the worst possible scenarios, and I remember saying “DAD..STOP…everything is going to be ok…we just have to be positive…he probably just had a accident riding..”
Who would have known I would be right….man do I wish I wasn’t..
I remember driving up to that scene, on that rainy night, and seeing a lot of cars and an ambulance. My mom parked, and I was the last one to get out. My parents were then steps ahead of me…my dad was first. I remember seeing him fall to his knees and then seeing my mom a couple feet behind him fall against a car…very slowly.
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With Lea I heard she screamed for hours and cried until she couldn’t stop. I am not one to believe the media, but that I do believe. I will never know exactly how she feels, or how my mom feels or how my brothers feel. I also would never compare my pain to her pain. What I am familiar with is that hole in her heart she now has to deal with everyday. That hole will never be healed no matter how much people say “It will get easier in time…” If I could I would take one of the two middle fingers I have and poke them in the eye with it. No it doesn’t get “easier” you just learn to build your life around it. You are completely starting over. Someone that you once learned from, loved, nourished, talked too, looked to for advice, hugged and saw everyday for 15 years (in my case) was RIPPED out of your life. You then have to change some things around. You revaluate your life, and see if you are doing anything to make the world a better place.
I watched the Lea’s tribute on the TCA’s and immediately was crying with her. People used to tell me I was so strong…but she was SMILING while crying. She was glowing as soon as she took that stage. It was as if she had just had a baby. The things she said made me want to just hug her. I wouldn’t say anything…just simply hug her. That’s all I ever wanted…I didn’t want to hear “Only the good die young…” or “RIP” as if it were Halloween. I didn’t want to hear “I am sorry.” I just wanted a hug. To simply be held without any pressure of talking.
Anyways I hope none of the Cory stuff offends anyone. I am simply stating my opinion and views towards a story I have been following since it happened and needed to type it out. Love to hear thoughts on the situation if one has any.
xx
EJK
Included below is the video of her tribute.